deep thoughtz 017: DEATH PENALTY - WITCHFINDER GENERAL
Greetings ladies, fish and gentlemen! I was dreaming when I wrote this, so forgive me if it goes astray, mmkay? Lots of news to unload, some unfortunate news for my subscribers who are SUPPOSED to receive emails when I update my blog. It seems that the old software for email subscriptions is being shutdown, but never fear loyal followers! The Great Golly Jolly Elvis Anaporn is on the case, armed with a newfound sobriety and a copy of House of Leaves (by Mark Z. Danielewwwskiii; it's kinda fucked up, I like it!) and I'll make sure every single one of you good Anapornian soldiers will receive immediate notification to my blog posts! In other news, the 100 pushups a day regiment is working smoothly for me and graduation for my ass is just around the corner. Look out Japan, here I cuuummmmmmmmmmmm!
In the meantime, however, music! Good music too! I know, what a fuckin relief amiright? Not so good lyrics and content behind the music, but hey man you're already asking for a fair bit by asking for some good tunes mmkay? So just take it a step back! Can't be biting the hand that feeds n shit, be chewin until it bleeds n shit, it's a bad habit man. What music is it? What sounds are we in store for tonight? Two words, two damning words as devious as the greatest of the two word combinations: Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, BLACK SABBATH, Thin Lizzy, Steel Panther, Limp Bizkit, Megadeth (it counts trust me), and now adding to that list is WITCHFINDER GENERAL, SON. FRIENDSHIP WITH I HATE SEX IS OVER, SEXY NAKED LADIES ARE MY FRIEND NOW.
"Well, you should've seen the cover they *wanted* to do!"
Fortunately the music is as exciting as its cover might suggest, closer to the sensual soundwaves of traditional doom metal and psychedelic rock than the general hardcore nastsiness of thrash, crossover, and power metal. Lyrically? This shit is Death Wish III, 'nuff fuckin said. Don't even bother with it. You come to this shit STRICTLY for the riffs, the absolutely insane songwriting, and the beautiful, silvery vocals straight out of a C.S. Lewis Holy Bible fanfiction poem he wrote before the darkness took him in. No joke here, dudes, the tempo changes Invisible Hate and No Stayer are absolutely magnificent, I don't know how anyone could've written songs like that coherently honestly. Even when they slow things down on Burning a Sinner and Witchfinder General the songs have that memorable quality to them, where you play them at your job and have the album spin a few times and before you know it you're singing "buuuuuuurn herrr, buuuuuuuuuurn herr," and BAM! An HR report up your ass! This is all to say nothing of the riffs! In terms of sexy muthafuckin riffs, the only rivals I can think of that even come close to comparing are the early Blue Öyster Cult albums and Mark II Deep Purple. That's how you know I'm goddamn serious right here; I don't mess around when it comes to Deep fucking Purple capiche? The vocals also deserve specific praise, as I can only think of a select few Midwestern screamo albums that've made me appreciate the versatility of the young Anglo-Saxon's capacity for whistle notes the same way this album has. The only shame is there're many instrumental sections to the songs here, and when that's the biggest flaw on the album I think it speaks on the overall quality of the vocal performance on display here. Doom metal gets a bad rep for being the softer, slower, Boomer style of metal that would be fucking decimated by the self-seriousness of death metal and its children, but it's only in a genre where the riff is emphasized by its depth and weight through slow tempo can the vocals truly soar over the music. Ozzy done it, Hetfield hasn't. Wino done it, Corpsegrinder hasn't. Witchfinder General do it here, and I know damn well whatever shit your idiot stoner friends are babblin' about don't do it at all.
This album right here is musical in the best way possible. Music, inarguably, is perfect when it brings you to that place. It takes you from being an average joe schmoe hunched over a laptop to being somewhere else. This album is perfect for taking you somewhere. Perfect for riding through the countryside on horseback armed with a claymore hunting Normans, perfect for boozecruisin through the local university decimating the heathen scum with a metal muscle car, perfect for dropping LSD and letting go of all hatred in place of empathy for all living beings, just perfect dawg. Act, don't think. Think, don't act. Whatever you want. Just rock on dawg.
Keep on rockin in the free world
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